Fic title: Solitude
Type: Character study/short POV one-shot
Character: Mai Kuwashima
Rating: G (simple musing, not really dark or too angsty)
Spoilers: NONE! All the more reason for you to read it. :D;;
I lived through you
You looked through me
They say the world's a cold, dark place when you're alone.
I know they're right. Whoever "they" are, anyway.
The clinking sound my sword makes against the edges of the steps echoes throughout the entire school building. I can feel the sound resonating around me, sharp, solid, but comforting. I am the only person who can find comfort in the feel of a cool sword blade against my thigh. It's all I have to protect myself.
My eyes are fixed ahead of me as I climb the stairs, the clinking continuing, steady, ever-present. The windows offer no light; the moon is hidden behind a thick layer of clouds. I can barely see six inches in front of my face, can't see my own hands, but I know the way. I need nothing to guide me but instincts.
That thought falls apart halfway to my mind and I am left with a single, broken piece. My voice is soft against the cool winter air. "I need nothing."
I say it easily, but something within me doesn't allow me to believe the words I delivered so quickly. I am human...humans have needs. Nourishment, protection...love...belonging. I can fufill most of those needs on my own...or so I try to tell myself...
Love. Belonging. I don't need them. I only need myself.
I reach the top step and move slowly along the corridor, by the carefully covered windows. My sword is freezing against my bare thigh now. It's cold...dark... Terror grips my chest and I force it away. I can't help but be frightened, even now... I don't want to be alone. Sayuri told me that...she knows me too well. I tried to force her away, but she stayed...she always stays. She's by my side even if I tell her to leave.
It's the same with him. With Yuuichi. He won't leave me, no matter what happens to me. No matter who I am, he stays. When he found out...about the night, about the terror that overwhelms my entire being...I expected him to run. I was prepared to be rejected, pushed away, called a freak. I battled demons. I was...I wasn't normal. But Yuuichi...he stayed. Something is different about him. Yuuichi isn't normal either. He's...
My legs cease to move as I reach the only window unbroken by the events of the night before. Moonlight breaks through the hazy cover of clouds and shines into my eyes. My fingertips brush against the glass, feeling the cold, silky texture, solid in the night. He'll come tonight, too. Yuuichi will be here. He's never promised, never asked me whether or not I wanted him to come... He must have realized that I would tell him no. That I would reject his help. He comes no matter what. He cares.
His name escapes my chapped lips. "Yuuichi..."
The building is suddenly ten degrees cooler. I shiver, instintively wrapping my arms around my shoulders, desperately wishing I had changed out of my school uniform. If my sense of duty wasn't so strong, I would leave right now. It's cold...I feel so alone...
Yuuichi. The cold recedes as I turn to my right, seeing him standing there. He takes one look at me and sets down the bag in his hand, pulling off his coat. "You must be freezing, Mai! Didn't you bring a sweater?"
"I forgot." I lower my eyes, embarassed. "The cold doesn't bother me."
"Mouu, I don't believe that." He drapes his thick winter coat over my shoulders, leaving his hand on my shoulder for a moment longer than is needed before leaning over and picking up the bag he had been carrying earlier. "I brought some food. Nayuki made extra curry... It's still hot."
I smile slightly. "Arigatou."
He returns the smile, opening the bag. We sit on the floor of the hallway, unwrapping each plate and quickly beginning to eat. Neither of us have had dinner yet. He always waits to eat with me now. The food is filling, made with care. Yuuichi seems to sense my reaction to the curry and laughs. "Nayuki's a good cook, isn't she?"
My response is a nod. Something tells me they'll be here soon...but I am too pleased to care. Yuuichi makes me feel warm...I don't have a care in the world when he is with me. I know he can't protect me, and I know he doesn't understand, but...he tries. He wants to help me.
For years I have been alone, suffering through my punishment of solitude. I don't understand why it has to be this way...why I am forced to stand alone, battling demons only I can see...but... But because of Yuuichi, it isn't as hard. It isn't as hard to face what I know I must. I can face my duty with Yuuichi by my side.
Together... I raise my eyes to study his face. Will he stay with me?
Will I always be alone?
The moon dissappears behind the clouds again and the hallway again returns to darkness.
I can't stay away from you...
Hee. You can probably guess which song inspired this fic. :D *OBVIOUS.*